S1E5: The Treasure of Hillhurst Mansion
Original Airdate: September 11, 1996
Episode Synopsis:
How bad was this episode? Well, let’s just say my seven month hiatus wasn’t entirely caused by scheduling issues. We open with two men walking into the cemetery (that contains Vexor’s lair) lugging some large boxes. “We have to drop off this arcade game and then we can go,” says one of the movers. Apparently Tommy is still going strong even beyond the grave? One of the movers knocks on a tombstone, which he says is listed on the purchase order. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” says one of the movers a few hours too late. And rightfully so, because the grave suddenly opens up to reveal…Vincent Price! Wait, sorry, we aren’t that lucky. Instead, Noxic jumps out and begins to celebrate the delivery of his new toy.
One of the workers is thoroughly unimpressed by Noxic’s antics. “Whatever, just pay me and we’ll go,” says the worker. “If you want this game, you need money.” Oh right, I forgot to mention that the mover's name is John Galt. The argument escalates and leads to a fight between the two, with Noxic attempting to grab the machine. “Give me this game!” Noxic yells. “If you don’t, I’ll turn your life into one scary nightmare!” To which the mover replies, “If I do leave this game, my supervisor will make my life a scary nightmare!” To which I replied, “this entire scene has already turned my life into one scary nightmare!” The movers ultimately pack up the game and leave.
Defeated, Noxic returns to the lair, where Jara and Typhus ask for the game. Noxi tells them that they need “money,” which you find when “you get a job.” That doesn’t sound appealing to them until they realize that their job can do something that they love – like stealing money! I’m not sure what’s more unrealistic about this episode, monsters obsessing over a pinball machine, or the idea that you can actually get a job you love.
Back at Hillhurst, our heroes hang around Flabber, who lets off a bunch of sneezes. “I must have some kind of bug,” he says, and if you don’t know a bug pun is coming at this point then you should probably stop reading. Naturally, he sneezes out a spider but he at least advances the plot a bit by pulling out a handkerchief which is actually . . . a treasure map! The kids gather around and see that a big X is drawn on a map of the mansion. Roland is particularly excited because “it’ll make us rich – richer than Trip and Van!” Everyone dreams about the possibilities, with Flabber joking about living the “lifestyle of the rich and flabbulous.” Between the economics lessons and Robin Leach references, I can just tell kids ate this episode up.
Before searching for the actual treasure, however, the Beetleborgs decide to stop in at Zoom Comics to “pick up supplies,” such as “forced plot devices.” There, they run into Trip and Van, who hear the discussion of becoming rich. Jo tells them about the treasure map while Roland brags that “after we find the treasure, you’ll be small potatoes.” They continue to celebrate while Van secretly steals the map from Jo’s back pocket.
Meanwhile, Noxic runs around town looking for money but can’t seem to find anyone with the cash he needs. “There must be someone in this town with money!” he yells. Suddenly, he sees Trip and Van, who boast about their new treasure map because nobody in this show knows how to shut their trap. “If we don’t get the treasure,” says Van, “then the dweebs will, then they’ll get a large house, a limo, and there goes the neighborhood.” Is anyone else getting a weird class warfare vibe from this episode?
Noxic returns to Jara and Typhus and tells them about the map and the treasure in Hillhurst. Jara expresses concern about the Beetleborgs stopping them, but Noxic says they’ll be busy fighting the “mean, green fighting machine” pulled from a comic. Oh god, the last thing this boring episode needs is Ang Lee’s Hulk.
Back at the manor, Jo realizes she doesn’t have the map. The kids realize Trip and Van must have stolen it, but before they can act, they are attacked by a green machine with a cannon called – I’m not making this up – Green Cannon Machine! The Beetleborgs use their Beetle Binders and transform. We then have a standard fight in a junkyard for some reason, but ultimately Green Cannon “My Friends Call Me Dave” Machine gains the upper hand.
We then return to Trip and Van, who decide to take their limo to Hillhurst. Unfortunately, they don’t move. “Dudley, this isn’t Driving Miss Daisy – step on it!” yells Van, who I’m guessing is really proud of that sick reference. The limo screeches forward and erratically speeds over to the manor. There they discovery that the driver is actually . . . Jara! She takes the map from the frightened boys and runs out. The monsters then convene and begin digging outside, only to realize that Typhus has been reading the map upside down, and that the treasure is actually inside the mansion!
The fighting continues between Dave and the Beetleborgs, who eventually use their Beetle weapons just in timefor the holiday season to destroy the machine and send it back to the comic. They return to the house and scare away the monsters before they can enter Hillhurst. As they run away, they drop the map.
Back inside, both the Beetleborgs and house monsters argue for control of the map until it rips. Roland decides that before any further damage can be done, it would be best for everyone to agree to share the map and any treasure they find. “This is the beginning of a Flabtastic friendship,” says Flabber, as he continues to murder the golden age of cinema. They follow the directions until they end up in a room with two chests. Jo then reads a riddle from the map:
Drew decides to let Frankenbeans pick the chest, and he picks the one on the right. Drew then decides to open the other one because she’s a bad person. They slowly approach the treasure and open it to reveal . . . yellow slime! While Drew, Jo, and Roland express their dismay, the monsters celebrate their find. Flabber explains “one person’s slime is another person’s treasure!” before sneezing into the map.
Lesson of the Episode:
How bad was this episode? Well, let’s just say my seven month hiatus wasn’t entirely caused by scheduling issues. We open with two men walking into the cemetery (that contains Vexor’s lair) lugging some large boxes. “We have to drop off this arcade game and then we can go,” says one of the movers. Apparently Tommy is still going strong even beyond the grave? One of the movers knocks on a tombstone, which he says is listed on the purchase order. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” says one of the movers a few hours too late. And rightfully so, because the grave suddenly opens up to reveal…Vincent Price! Wait, sorry, we aren’t that lucky. Instead, Noxic jumps out and begins to celebrate the delivery of his new toy.
One of the workers is thoroughly unimpressed by Noxic’s antics. “Whatever, just pay me and we’ll go,” says the worker. “If you want this game, you need money.” Oh right, I forgot to mention that the mover's name is John Galt. The argument escalates and leads to a fight between the two, with Noxic attempting to grab the machine. “Give me this game!” Noxic yells. “If you don’t, I’ll turn your life into one scary nightmare!” To which the mover replies, “If I do leave this game, my supervisor will make my life a scary nightmare!” To which I replied, “this entire scene has already turned my life into one scary nightmare!” The movers ultimately pack up the game and leave.
Defeated, Noxic returns to the lair, where Jara and Typhus ask for the game. Noxi tells them that they need “money,” which you find when “you get a job.” That doesn’t sound appealing to them until they realize that their job can do something that they love – like stealing money! I’m not sure what’s more unrealistic about this episode, monsters obsessing over a pinball machine, or the idea that you can actually get a job you love.
Back at Hillhurst, our heroes hang around Flabber, who lets off a bunch of sneezes. “I must have some kind of bug,” he says, and if you don’t know a bug pun is coming at this point then you should probably stop reading. Naturally, he sneezes out a spider but he at least advances the plot a bit by pulling out a handkerchief which is actually . . . a treasure map! The kids gather around and see that a big X is drawn on a map of the mansion. Roland is particularly excited because “it’ll make us rich – richer than Trip and Van!” Everyone dreams about the possibilities, with Flabber joking about living the “lifestyle of the rich and flabbulous.” Between the economics lessons and Robin Leach references, I can just tell kids ate this episode up.
Before searching for the actual treasure, however, the Beetleborgs decide to stop in at Zoom Comics to “pick up supplies,” such as “forced plot devices.” There, they run into Trip and Van, who hear the discussion of becoming rich. Jo tells them about the treasure map while Roland brags that “after we find the treasure, you’ll be small potatoes.” They continue to celebrate while Van secretly steals the map from Jo’s back pocket.
Meanwhile, Noxic runs around town looking for money but can’t seem to find anyone with the cash he needs. “There must be someone in this town with money!” he yells. Suddenly, he sees Trip and Van, who boast about their new treasure map because nobody in this show knows how to shut their trap. “If we don’t get the treasure,” says Van, “then the dweebs will, then they’ll get a large house, a limo, and there goes the neighborhood.” Is anyone else getting a weird class warfare vibe from this episode?
Noxic returns to Jara and Typhus and tells them about the map and the treasure in Hillhurst. Jara expresses concern about the Beetleborgs stopping them, but Noxic says they’ll be busy fighting the “mean, green fighting machine” pulled from a comic. Oh god, the last thing this boring episode needs is Ang Lee’s Hulk.
Back at the manor, Jo realizes she doesn’t have the map. The kids realize Trip and Van must have stolen it, but before they can act, they are attacked by a green machine with a cannon called – I’m not making this up – Green Cannon Machine! The Beetleborgs use their Beetle Binders and transform. We then have a standard fight in a junkyard for some reason, but ultimately Green Cannon “My Friends Call Me Dave” Machine gains the upper hand.
 |
| Pretty much what you'd expect from a green cannon machine. |
The fighting continues between Dave and the Beetleborgs, who eventually use their Beetle weapons just in time
Back inside, both the Beetleborgs and house monsters argue for control of the map until it rips. Roland decides that before any further damage can be done, it would be best for everyone to agree to share the map and any treasure they find. “This is the beginning of a Flabtastic friendship,” says Flabber, as he continues to murder the golden age of cinema. They follow the directions until they end up in a room with two chests. Jo then reads a riddle from the map:
Before you are two treasure chests, and you must pick the right one. Choose wisely and you get the treasure, choose poorly and you get none.
Lesson of the Episode:
If you need money, don’t stoop to stealing. Or writing for Big Bad Beetleborgs.
90's Reference of the Episode:
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, back pockets.
Joke of the Episode:
“Did I hear anyone say ‘rich’?” asks Trip, overhearing the Beetleborgs. “You must be talking about me!” “If we’d been talking about you,” responds Jo, “you’d have heard to words ‘mentally challenged.’” Cruel but funny. But mostly cruel.
Overall Review:
Coherent plot points? We don’t need no stinkin’ coherent plot points.
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