S1E4: The Ghost is Toast
Original Airdate: September 10, 1996
Episode Synopsis:
The camera pans over to Charterville Video, where we see a number of screaming customers run out of the store. Don’t laugh, the 90’s were a scary time for video rental late fees. They are followed by Typhus, Jara, and Noxic, who exclaims how happy he is that “they have Attack of the Slimeball!” I guess Waiting for Guffman was taken? They suddenly look down the street and see . . . a parade! “I love a parade,” lies Typhus, as the three monsters decide to check it out.
We move to the parade where we see a large crowd of people following a car with a decal: “Dr. Buster Zapper, Phasm Blaster.” The man pulls up in front of Zoom Comics and walks in, where we find Jo, Drew, and Roland. In front of a large crowd, he introduces himself as Dr. Zapper, a “paranormal exterminator” who claims he will “take care of the ghosts- I’m talking goblins, I’m talking vampires, ghouls, and phasms.” Grandma Nano expresses her skepticism – a rational reaction – by exclaiming “I’ve seen rain and I’ve seen shine, baloney and slime, but you have to go,” – a terribly irrational reaction.
Suddenly, Trip and Van enter the store and exclaim that they were the ones who hired Dr. Zapper so that he can go to Hillhurst manor and destroy the ghosts inside. I think I can speak for everyone when I say oh God please succeed.
Our heroes run out of the store and decide that they need to warn Flabber. Seeing that the Beetleborgs are distracted, Typhus, Jara, and Noxic decide to call in a monster – Terror Bear, a large bear that holds two maces who (we’re told) eats people. Oh bother. Unfortunately, they find that the bear is just interested in normal food – for example, he approaches a man on a bike and steals a popsicle from his hand. “You’re supposed to eat people, not ice pops!” exclaims Noxic.
Drew, Jo, and Roland run into Hillhurst manor and find Flabber playing the organ, because inviting children to an abandoned home wasn't creepy enough. They warn him of the exterminator, which Flabber carefully considers before acting in a decisive manner. Just kidding! He obviously launches into his usual few minutes of shtick that I won’t detail because nobody should have to go through that.
Dr. Zapper arrives at the manor and gives Trip and Van “ghost meters,” which can apparently point out paranormal activity. They detect a “large infestation” inside and decide to enter. Jo, seeing them approach, holds the door down while Flabber warns that the intruders might make the house monsters angry. We also cut to Typhus, Jara, and Noxic holding a man as a hostage and dressing him like a hot fudge Sunday. However, the bear only licks the chocolate and whipped cream off of him, much to their chagrin. Seeing that their plan isn't working, the monsters decide to lure the bear towards Hillhurst manor with a donut on a string. Even Werner Herzog is cringing at this.
Jo releases the door and hides with the others as Dr. Zapper, Trip, and Van enter the manor. They set up a “phasm blaster” – a large, advanced-looking laser weapon – and fire it. However, the machine sputters and fails to activate. Flabber declares that “something is fishy in this here pond” because he “didn’t feel any energy from the blaster” and “I can only talk in strings of phrases from the 1970’s.” Flabber peeks into the room and sees Dr. Zapper tweaking the machine. Trip asks how he knows when he’s hit a ghost, to which Dr. Zapper responds:
“The smell, you never forget it. Like the stink of a skunk squashed flat
on the highway.”
I guess Colonel Kilgore has fallen on some hard times. When the boys turn and continue searching the walls with their ghost meters, Dr. Zapper pretends to fire the weapon and secretly sprays a can of “canned skunk” which is definitely not a thing. Trip and Van take a whiff and begin to celebrate what they are fooled into believing is a dead ghost.
Flabber returns and tells the Beetleborgs that Dr. Zapper is a phony, while warning that the noise he’s making is going to wake the monsters up. They run to warn Trip and Van but encounter the bear, who has arrived from the maiden fair. The bear cries “I want food” and gets closer to the kids. Suddenly, Drew realizes that he is only interested in the chocolate bar being held by Van, which they use to lure the bear out of manor. The kids then transform into Beetleborgs and attack the bear, likely in violation of various federal hunting laws. Eventually, they start tickling him into submission (Werner Herzog has officially stopped watching) before beating him down. They combine their blasters and send the bear back into the comic.
Back at the manor, Dr. Zapper tries to fix his blaster – which he knows is fake so none of this makes sense – and fires it again, causing a large explosion. He declares that the “ghosts are now toast” but Flabber shows up, along with Mums, Frankenbeans, and Count Fangula (now awake from the noise), which scares Dr. Zapper out of the house. He returns to Zoom Comics and starts screaming about ghosts. While in a frenzy, he turns around and encounters someone in a monster mask, which scares Dr. Zapper out of the store and out of town. The mask is taken off to reveal . . . Grandma Nano! “When you got a problem, who you gonna call?” she asks. “Nano!” the townspeople respond as the episode fades.
Lesson of the Episode:The camera pans over to Charterville Video, where we see a number of screaming customers run out of the store. Don’t laugh, the 90’s were a scary time for video rental late fees. They are followed by Typhus, Jara, and Noxic, who exclaims how happy he is that “they have Attack of the Slimeball!” I guess Waiting for Guffman was taken? They suddenly look down the street and see . . . a parade! “I love a parade,” lies Typhus, as the three monsters decide to check it out.
We move to the parade where we see a large crowd of people following a car with a decal: “Dr. Buster Zapper, Phasm Blaster.” The man pulls up in front of Zoom Comics and walks in, where we find Jo, Drew, and Roland. In front of a large crowd, he introduces himself as Dr. Zapper, a “paranormal exterminator” who claims he will “take care of the ghosts- I’m talking goblins, I’m talking vampires, ghouls, and phasms.” Grandma Nano expresses her skepticism – a rational reaction – by exclaiming “I’ve seen rain and I’ve seen shine, baloney and slime, but you have to go,” – a terribly irrational reaction.
Our heroes run out of the store and decide that they need to warn Flabber. Seeing that the Beetleborgs are distracted, Typhus, Jara, and Noxic decide to call in a monster – Terror Bear, a large bear that holds two maces who (we’re told) eats people. Oh bother. Unfortunately, they find that the bear is just interested in normal food – for example, he approaches a man on a bike and steals a popsicle from his hand. “You’re supposed to eat people, not ice pops!” exclaims Noxic.
Drew, Jo, and Roland run into Hillhurst manor and find Flabber playing the organ, because inviting children to an abandoned home wasn't creepy enough. They warn him of the exterminator, which Flabber carefully considers before acting in a decisive manner. Just kidding! He obviously launches into his usual few minutes of shtick that I won’t detail because nobody should have to go through that.
Dr. Zapper arrives at the manor and gives Trip and Van “ghost meters,” which can apparently point out paranormal activity. They detect a “large infestation” inside and decide to enter. Jo, seeing them approach, holds the door down while Flabber warns that the intruders might make the house monsters angry. We also cut to Typhus, Jara, and Noxic holding a man as a hostage and dressing him like a hot fudge Sunday. However, the bear only licks the chocolate and whipped cream off of him, much to their chagrin. Seeing that their plan isn't working, the monsters decide to lure the bear towards Hillhurst manor with a donut on a string. Even Werner Herzog is cringing at this.
Jo releases the door and hides with the others as Dr. Zapper, Trip, and Van enter the manor. They set up a “phasm blaster” – a large, advanced-looking laser weapon – and fire it. However, the machine sputters and fails to activate. Flabber declares that “something is fishy in this here pond” because he “didn’t feel any energy from the blaster” and “I can only talk in strings of phrases from the 1970’s.” Flabber peeks into the room and sees Dr. Zapper tweaking the machine. Trip asks how he knows when he’s hit a ghost, to which Dr. Zapper responds:
“The smell, you never forget it. Like the stink of a skunk squashed flat
on the highway.”
I guess Colonel Kilgore has fallen on some hard times. When the boys turn and continue searching the walls with their ghost meters, Dr. Zapper pretends to fire the weapon and secretly sprays a can of “canned skunk” which is definitely not a thing. Trip and Van take a whiff and begin to celebrate what they are fooled into believing is a dead ghost.
 |
| Still more believable than Dr. Oz. |
Back at the manor, Dr. Zapper tries to fix his blaster – which he knows is fake so none of this makes sense – and fires it again, causing a large explosion. He declares that the “ghosts are now toast” but Flabber shows up, along with Mums, Frankenbeans, and Count Fangula (now awake from the noise), which scares Dr. Zapper out of the house. He returns to Zoom Comics and starts screaming about ghosts. While in a frenzy, he turns around and encounters someone in a monster mask, which scares Dr. Zapper out of the store and out of town. The mask is taken off to reveal . . . Grandma Nano! “When you got a problem, who you gonna call?” she asks. “Nano!” the townspeople respond as the episode fades.
Turns out we might be better off without Ghostbusters 3.
90's Reference of the Episode:
Ghostbusters references; animal abuse.
Joke of the Episode:
None, actually. Or, rather, none worth subjecting your tender eyes to.
Overall Review:
Busting this episode makes me feel good.
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