S1E3: How Time Flies

Original Airdate: October 17, 1994

Episode Synopsis:

I'm in a rush this week and you know how this episode starts so let's just jump to the monster Emperor Gorganus chooses: The Sorcerer, who has the power to alter time. Geez, everyone was trying to jump on the Timecop wagon. Gorganus sends The Sorcerer to Earth and explains that "if time isn't consistent, everything determined by it will be destroyed." This scene felt like it took two hours, so I'm not complaining.

Back at a coffee shop in Beverly Hills, Drew complains that Laurie is sitting around not ordering anything. I realized I haven't explained this yet, mostly because the show hasn't explained it, but apparently Drew works at a coffee shop in Beverly Hills. Laurie orders a coffee, which Drew immediately provides. But Laurie complains that the coffee is cold, despite Drew insisting that it was freshly made. Gordon also complains that his doughnut is stale, but Drew again states that the donuts were baked that morning. In case you haven't gotten the theme yet, let me spell it for you: Drew is a terrible waitress. Oh, and that The Sorcerer is messing with time. Gordon also orders an iced cappuccino, which is obviously a favorite drink among teenagers, second only to literally anything else.

Meanwhile, still in the coffee shop, Laurie asks why Gordon is wearing a suit. Gordon explains that he has an "appointment" with his mother, which we're told is required because she has a busy schedule. I think I'm beginning to understand why Gordon ended up with a tattoo. The mother appears but, as soon as she arrives, abruptly gets up and leaves. In case you still haven't gotten the theme yet, I'll spell it for you again: Gordon's mom is a terrible person. Oh, and time is still being messed up. Swinton suddenly appears out of thin air, but claims that he had walked in normally. Also, Lorrie is studying for a French test but suddenly knows the entire book by heart and can speak fluently. And Swinton gets up to go to the bathroom but sees a second version of himself. I'm not really sure what this last one had to do with time, but if it gives Gordon a second Swinton to rip on, I'm all for it.

The group gathers around - yes, we're still in the coffee shop - and Swinton explains that time seems to be accelerating. Fair warning: if this episode becomes as depressing as the ending of Click, then I might not be able to finish this post. Swinton claims that he has a theory but says that he needs a sundial in order to measure the difference in solar time and clock time. Drew says she has a sundial in her backyard. In a show featuring talking blobs, ninja robot monsters, and tattooed teenage alien fighters from outer space, this was somehow the first time I couldn't suspend my disbelief.

The gang heads over, where they see a portal open momentarily. Swinton states that because time is sped up, they only have a limited window to enter the portal. The writers He also states that they will start aging quickly, which I'm assuming we'd actually see if the show hadn't blown its budget on backyard sundials. They decide that because Swinton is the youngest of the group, he should be the one to go through the portal when it reappears. I'm not feeling terribly comfortable with the eugenics vibe of the episode but in either event, he jumps in and starts discussing the problem with Swinton.

If you thought any of the above makes any difference to the plot line, then shame on you for not knowing better by now. The portal re-opens and the rest of the team jumps in. I was pretty pissed off about the writers wasting 5 minutes on a problem they never solve, until this exchange:

     Nimbar: Do I look like I'm joking?
     Drew: Truthfully, I still haven't figured out where your face is.

Which is actually pretty funny. The team transforms and does the usual dance routine/fight. At one point, The Sorcerer starts changing the weather patterns, though the only impact this seems to have is killing a few key seconds to fill the 20 minute run time. Also, in one of the most bizarre sequences in the episode, the Galactic Sentinels summon their laser weapons and fire at The Sorcerer. He destroys the weapons, so the Sentinels . . . re-summon their weapons and do the same thing again.

Comes with a surprisingly good warranty.

Following even more dancing than usual, they summon Knightron, who defeats The Sorcerer. The Sentinels return to Nimbar and Gordon asks "is time back on our side?" Nimbar states that things are indeed back to normal, except for Patti giving birth to a ten pound baby boy. 

The gang returns to the coffee shop, where Gordon prepares for another appointment with his mother, hopefully one arranged by child services. Drew then asks for the time and gets three different answers from Laurie, Swinton and Gordon. They all look around in suspense as the credits roll.

Lesson of the Episode:

Appreciate the time you have in life, because it might be taken from you by an evil galactic sorcerer. Or something.

90's Reference of the Episode:

Sundials in backyards.

Joke of the Episode:

Swinton asks the gang whether they'd seen him walk into the coffee shop, to which Gordon replies "no, otherwise I would have gotten up and left." I blame the mother.

Overall Review:

If time flies when you're having fun then this episode was the equivalent of a root canal.