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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

S1E6: Three Cheats to the Wind


Original Airdate: November 7, 1994

Episode Synopsis:
Emperor Gorganus begins the episode by explaining his new plan, which involves sending a new monster- Octodroid! The monster, we’re told, has the power to “change all water on Earth to salt water.”  Wait, is Gorganus trying to take over the world or shill for Ahava? Octodroid is then teleported to Earth, where he begins his reign of terror by stomping around.



Meanwhile, at the coffee shop in Beverly Hills, we find that Drew is distracted from her work because she’s terrible at her job. Also, she has a paper to write, but complains that with Nimbar’s constant calls, she hasn’t had time to work on it. Gordon commiserates, as he too hasn’t had time to “outline the textbooks for my classes.” Strange, I didn’t know Professor Kingsfield taught in Beverly Hills. 

The topic of Drew’s paper is “Heroism in Classic French Revolutionary Literature,” and she has decided to write a paper on Les Misérables. Drew explains that the book’s hero, Jean Valjean, is on the run from the law even though he is “totally innocent” but that “no matter what happens, he doesn’t compromise his values.” Oh sorry, SPOILER ALERT! When the rest of the team suggests that Drew simply wing it, as she often does, Drew explains that the paper counts for 60% of her grade, so she has to take it seriously despite her belief that grades are “bourgeois.” Great, looks like she’s already got the whiny French student part of the story down pat.

Later, Gordon and Swinton complain that their coffee is salty, but Drew says that they should “take it up with the manager” because good lord why does she still have a job. Their tattoos begin to glow and the team jumps into the nearby portal. Upon their arrival in his lair, Nimbar explains to the teenagers that Octodroid is destroying all plant life on earth and that, as a result, there won’t be any oxygen left! The team quickly transforms and teleports into battle, where we quickly see that Drew brought her paper along with her. I can only imagine how many kids ran out to buy a Special Edition Drew 24601 action figure after this episode. The Galactic Sentinels promptly defeat Octodroid, but not before he takes Drew’s paper. 


The pinnacle of suspense: stealing book reports from teenagers.
Back at school, Drew laments the loss of her report, which is due in an hour. However, we are told after an immediate cut that Drew decided not to hand in a paper at all. She confides to Laurie that since the teacher takes a while to grade papers, she won’t notice that Drew’s own report is missing. Once the teacher discovers that she doesn’t have Drew’s submission, however, Drew plans on saying that she handed it in and that the teacher just “ditzed” and lost it. Unfortunately, the teacher appears immediately and threatens to fail Drew, but nevertheless gives her one day more to hand in her paper. 

At the pool house, Drew struggles to get any ideas onto the page, and says she can’t remember anything she wrote in her earlier draft. Gordon offers his own inspiration by suggesting that Drew order a pre-written essay from a mail order company. As he explains-

      Bottom line, school is a business. Our parents pay with our taxes and 
      in return, they provide us with a product, i.e. grades. Now if they are 
      paying good money, you deserve grades you’re satisfied with.

Always nice to see a Harvard man. Gordon presents a catalog that conveniently has a section on Victor Hugo, and Drew places an order. Laurie argues against cheating but Drew justifies her decision because “I actually wrote the paper but lost it saving the universe.” Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of bored men?

Meanwhile, Gorganus fixes Octodroid so that he now understands the binary language of moisture vaporators can shoot a ray that sucks moisture from whatever it hits, including human beings! Octodroid is then sent back to the planet, where he begins attacking a nuclear power plant. The team is called back by Nimbar, who informs them that Octodroid is absorbing the plant’s cooling water, which protects the nuclear rods. The Sentinels transform and again start to fight, only to get hit by Octodroid’s beam. Oh no, the Galactic Sentinels’ only weakness- dehydration! Of course, they manage to solve the problem with a mix of electrolytes and Knightron, who sends Octodroid back running to Gorganus. Lechner suggests destroying the monster because “he isn’t worth his salt anyways” and I literally threw a shoe at my TV.

The group returns to the coffee shop, where Drew is delivered a package containing her paper. However, she decides not to give in and says that she will deal with the consequences. As she puts it-

     The true mark of a hero isn’t the accomplishments he does or the 
     station in life at which he arrives. It is the selfless pure good that he 
     does. It is the feats of courage and the nobility of purpose. Jean 
     Valjean in Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables embodies all of these 
     benevolent qualities.

Drew suddenly realizes that she remembers her initial paper word for word! Swinton reminds the team of Nimbar’s warning that portal travel can create “strange side effects,” such as convenient plot devices, which might explain Drew’s sudden memory enhancement. She begins dictating her essay to Swinton, who types the paper on his laptop, and the episode fades to black, the dark of ages past.

Lesson of the Episode:
Just play it safe with Catcher in the Rye.

90's Reference of the Episode:
Gordon, hearing Drew’s synopsis of Les Misérables, jokes that the story was lifted from The Fugitive. Or is this the 60’s reference of the episode?

Joke of the Episode:
After Nimbar explains that Octodroid is trying to salinize all water on earth. Gordon responds “Salanize? What’s he gonna do, make us get all water from beauty parlors?” Salanize, salonize, get it? Kill me.

Overall Review:
I dreamed a dream that this episode wouldn’t be so boring, but life has killed the dream I dreamed.

SCHEDULING NOTE: I think it’s time to take a break from the Galactic Sentinels. See you next time with Big Bad Beetleborgs!

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