S1E1: In The Beginning

Original Airdate: October 3, 1994

Episode Synopsis:
The series kicks off in space, where we are introduced to Rita Repulsa Emperor Gorganus, the series antagonist, and his pet bird Lechner, who looks like a cross between Salacious B. Crumb and the talking bird from The Flintstones movie, as illustrated below:

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An underling provides Gorganus a map, showing "the focal point of the power portals," and Gorganus pretends to appreciate the gesture until he notes that the underlying failed to kill Nimbar, whatever that means.  Gorganus expresses his disappointment by sentencing the underlying to 40 years banishment in some alien mines.  I'll be honest, we're 2 minutes into the episode and I had to rewind four times to figure out (1) what the characters were talking about and (2) why I couldn't think of anything more productive to do with my life.

Gorganus explains to Lechner that Earth is the "key" and that he could use the plant to push the boundaries of his empire.  Lechner asks the obvious:

"Are you going to disintegrate it like you did to Akbelin of the Everleer galaxy?"

Which already sounds like a more interesting story than what proceeds.  No, says Gorganus, who instead decides to conquer the planet, and then the galaxy. He proceeds to do so by sending down Ninja Bot, "the samurai robot."  Ninja Bot is teleported to some unnamed desert, where he destroys power lines and large stone structures with his sword.

Still more historically accurate than The Last Samurai.

We are finally taken to Beverly Hills, where we meet the first of our protagonists, Swinton Sawyer. Swinton is there with his father, who expresses worry about his son.  Apparently Swinton's physics teacher called because he failed to do an assignment, though Swinton quickly clarifies that he accepted the assignment but refused to "collaborate with other students."  I'd imagine if I told you now that he'll learn in the next 15 minutes the importance of teamwork, you'd stop reading and I could go on with my life, but let's pretend we're interested for a bit.  Swinton obstinately refuses to accept that he will need to work with others, noting that "Einstein worked alone."  Ladies and gentlemen, the only time you will ever hear "Einstein" and "Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Outer Space" in the same sentence.

Swinton's father suggests that he work with three students: Laurie Foster, Gordon Henley, and Drew Vincent.  Swinton immediately protests that "they're not dedicated physics majors" as we quickly recognize that Swinton's lack of friends might not have exactly been his choice.  Nevertheless, Swinton relents as we move to Gordon's house.  Swinton wanders in with a large science project, which he says he already finished: a machine dedicated to detecting the amount of secondary cigarette smoke is in the air, something that apparently would have been useful in the 90's, Michael Bloomberg be damned.  Gordon touches the project, which suddenly creates a mysterious portal.  Which is obviously unrealistic: we all know the only thing that comes out of science projects is parental disappointment.

Drew decides to jump in, and the others soon follow.  They end up in a strange room, where Gordon remarks that they certainly deserve extra credit, which is actually pretty funny.  They encounter a large blob named Zordon Nimbar. Seriously, it's a blob.

Nimbar, voiced by Glenn Shadix, welcomes the teenagers and, as you may have guessed, proceeds to dance to the Banana Boat Song.   No, wait- he actually states that he is Head Protector of the Power Portals and Counselor to the Galactic Sentinals, or something, and that he brought the teenagers in order to stop Gorganus, who previously tried to kill Nimbar in order to retrieve the map of the Power Portals. Gorganus ended up with the map, but not before Nimbar escaped, presumably by sticking to the bottom of someone's shoe.

Nimbar explains that Power Portals allow beings to transport instantly, and that Earth is the focal point of the Power Portals within the galaxy.  Gorganus wants to take over the planet to use the Portals to take over the universe, so the teenagers must become Galactic Sentinals by using their tattoos from the Order of the Galactic Sentinel.  When they point out that they have no tattoos, Nimbar puts them on their arms, thereby giving them the power of limited job prospects. 

Nimbar then instructs the teenagers to fight Ninja Bot, who at this point has probably really hurt tourism in Arches National Park.  When Swinton points out the obvious -- namely, that none of this makes sense and holy god how were kids expected to keep up with this -- Nimbar explains that each teenager was chosen because of their personality, and that each will become a Galactic Sentinel  associated with the traits exhibited in constellations.  Gordon becomes Taurus, Swinton becomes Apollo, Drew becomes Centaur, and Laurie becomes Scorpio.  The Sentinels are then told that your artistic side is fully engaged with the world today, and you should be able to see your immediate situation in a new way. That could lead to a much rosier outcome if you stay positive.

The teenagers shout their names and are transformed into muscular, awkwardly dressed versions of themselves.

They are immediately transported to the desert, where they fight Ninja Bot against the backdrop of a generic 90's rock song.  I won't bore you with the details, to the extent one can provide details beyond "they jump a lot," but eventually Ninja Bot is knocked down.  Gorganus, watching the fight, powers up Ninja Bot, who turns the tide of battle.  So I guess we know the real antagonist is Don King.  The Sentinels react by combining into Megazord Knightron, who promptly defeats Ninja Bot.

The Sentinels return to Nimbar, who explains that their identities must be kept secret to prevent Gorganus from finding them, and from their friends discovering that this was the only television work they could get. Nimbar also clarifies for the viewer, since this is the pilot after all, that the Sentinels only stopped one of Gorganus' many monsters, and that the Sentinels won't be able to use Knightron in every fight because apparently Nimbar likes lying to people.

The Sentinels portal home to Earth, while Gorganus promises to reprogram Ninja Bot because of lazy writing.  The gang decides that to keep their powers a secret, they shouldn't talk to each other in school, which is probably good because galactic overlords are obviously known for their up-to-date familiarity with teenage social scenes.  The Sentinels are then called for another fight and the credits roll.

Overall Review:
I'm also going to try to lay off jokes about the obviously poor production values, for fear of indulging on too much low hanging fruit, but suffice it to say Glenn Shadix didn't take any pay cuts to help out with the budget.